Member-only story
Interview with an Alien
From Beyond the Stars
I recently had the privilege of interviewing a visitor from a relatively nearby star system, and boy, did he(?) have some scathing takes.
I was asked by his handler to omit his identifying moniker, so we’ll be calling him(?) “Fred” instead.
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The Dropout Professor: So, how did you like coming to Earth?
“Fred”: I would not use the word “like”… I was sentenced here to this stupendously stupid planet for cosmic crimes of wanton avarice, malice, and deceit — welcomed characteristics on this little blue ball you call a home.
TDP: Well, I don’t even know that I would call it that either, frankly, but I get it… There’s a lot of dumb here, for sure, man.
F: I am not a man.
TDP: Sure, sure, of course. No offense intended.
F: So be it.
TDP: Right on…dude…? Is that okay?
F: That is acceptable, but my name is [redacted].
TDP: Of course, [redacted], I meant no disrespect in calling you “dude”, either. So, can I ask about these crimes of yours?
