5 Things NOT To Say In The Delivery Room
How to be a Supportive Partner During Labor
The day has finally arrived. Our daughter’s due date was yesterday, and although there aren’t any serious medical concerns, the doctors elected to have her induced so as not to risk running out of amniotic fluid or anything.
We’ve been ready a few weeks, or at least as ready as we can be, for the pregnancy to be over, but at the same time, we feel underprepared. My daughter’s mother asked me repeatedly for assurances that I would help her in the labor and delivery, which I promised to provide, of course.
Her concerns are obviously understandable; this’ll be her first child as well as mine. As I sit here waiting for the induction drugs to do their thing, and for my assistive role to present itself, I decided to offer some insightful tips for other new dads, in the same style as I was taught to be a dad — how NOT to do it. Here are some unhelpful phrases to avoid during the delivery process:
5. “You never do that position for me!”
While this one is obviously a top-tier joke, she probably won’t appreciate its hilarity in the moment, possibly never. It’s reasonable over the course of the delivery, you’ll see your woman contort and arrange her frame in ways you didn’t know she could, but you’ll just have to save that mental image for later. That kind of thinking is how you got into this mess, remember?
4. “See? You’re gonna be a mom just like yours in no time!”
Mothers often have a strange dynamic with their own mothers, and we as men, basically we just have to stay the fuck out of the way. Try to avoid comparisons of any kind between them. If anything, highlight the contrasts and improvements that she’ll make over her mother’s parenting: “I know you’ll be such a sweet momma, you’d never waterboard our daughter over breaking a plate, you’re practically Mother of the Year already!”
3. “We’ve got this! I’ll even help you push! *straining grunts*”
Empathy and solidarity are usually good, but this method of demonstrating your capacity for understanding the feminine plight of childbirth is unlikely to yield the desired results. If you really want her to believe you “get it”, be a good ally by standing in the corner and punching yourself in the gut repeatedly to simulate labor pains while she is going through contractions.
2. “So, how long you think it’ll take you to lose the baby weight?”
While sure, this is important to both of you, it’s at least as important you prioritize issues appropriately. While she’s pushing is actually not the time to concern yourself with this. Let her come down off the drugs before you start slipping hints about a gym membership.
1. “Just calm down, it’s going to be okay, just calm down,”
This is NEVER advisable to say to a woman, least of all during labor. To calm her more effectively, try patting her on the head and saying “you are doing such a good job, champ! Way to go!” This demonstrates you’re already practicing your fatherly duties and will put her more at ease.
You’re welcome for the un-advice. Saying and doing almost anything else besides these dumbass things will put you in a great standing with your partner and newborn child. Now, I should probably go; they’re saying something about a crown? I don’t know, sounds important.
